Thursday, October 22, 2009

I am a dancer? Identity continued...

So... long day... filled with thinking. (My brain is a bit tired...) 1 hour of yoga - best part of the day, 3 hours of cramming for an exam, 3 hours of growth and development class, 2 hours of nutrition class, 2 hour long absolutely KILLER exam, and then 3 hours of rehearsal... I'm glad to be home and done with the day. Now that my brain is no longer completely occupied with Physiology (yay for test being over) my thoughts have returned to my identity crisis... which is not so much a crisis as an investigation.

In a weird coincidence we spent a very long time talking about identity in both my development class AND dance rehearsal... very fitting. We were talking about teens and how they struggle to find an identity. There are three things that can happen. First, there is identity foreclosure, where people don't ever really learn to think for themselves, simply adopting the same views of the world that their parents have. I can thank my time in the IB program for never having this as my identity. Yes, my religious and political views are basically the same as my parents, but I've reached those conclusions myself through understanding... yay. The second thing that can happen is identity diffusion, where you don't really care about the person you become or the things you do with your life. I can thank my time as a dancer for that- always keeping me focused on goals and caring about people and my role in the world. The final and most beneficial approach to finding an identity is identity moratorium. This is where you take time to explore all the possibilities in the world, remain goal focused, but are able to welcome change in your life (also known as going to college). I'm glad to hear this is the most healthy because it is what I am going through right now. There have been many times this semester that I have worried my decision to take a break from dance has been a mistake because it has been such a significant part of my life and so completely shaped who I have become. As I mentioned in my last blog, being a dancer has been my identity. Now I'm exploring what else is out there, and even though I complain about studying and I miss dance class a lot... I'm really happy. I'm doing stuff that I never had time to do before - like yoga - and I love it!

We also discussed this in rehearsal. I'm performing the week before Thanksgiving in a friend's masters thesis dance. She just showed the piece to the faculty. Overall, they like the movement, but want more from it. Shannon has given us the assignment of trying to find our identity within the movement- and what it means to us. So yes, I have a lot of identities to find and a lot of soul searching to do. And getting there is all the fun.

The rest of my soul searching will be saved for another day. For now I'm happy watching Family Guy and drinking a Fat Tire (before I work all day tomorrow on my nutrition project that I've procrastinated...) Long day finished and it feels so good.

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